Bad Headspace Day.
As I sit down to write today’s blog I’ve come to the end of a very bad day in my headspace. If you’re reading this today (Thursday), then this very bad headspace day happened yesterday (Wednesday). There was nothing special about this particular day in my bad headspace. It was just like all the others that I’ve experienced since this pandemic has dragged on into its fourth month. As I have nothing else to write about for today’s blog, since there’s been nothing new to talk about for four months and I’ve gone nowhere for one hundred twenty days, my rotten headspace is all I’ve got to reflect on.
These are the kinds of days where everything is terrible. I’ll find myself staring into the mirror and hating the person I see. I look back at these past four months and realize that there’s literally no end in sight to this situation. I become totally absent on days like this, doing the bare minimum to entertain my five-year-old son, who is perhaps slowly coming to realize that his dad isn’t a source of fun any more. I look at my physique, something I was once so proud of, and see it slowly regressing into a shape I once again despise, as my years of physical fitness appear to wither away despite my best efforts to stay in shape. I stare at the ceiling on these silent nights, where I stay up far later than I should in an effort to regain some selfish control over an aspect of my day. My aggravation and frustration turn both inward and outward, and I fear I am becoming increasingly unpleasant to be around.
These days suck. They really do. And there have been so many of them during these many weeks of isolation and quarantine. I try to power through them and overcome them, but they are as persistent as this global virus.
If this blog entry serves any purpose at all, I hope it helps some folks relate. If my bad headspace days are anything like yours during this pandemic, hopefully this will help you feel less alone in your struggles. If it helps to know that at least one other person is struggling through some rough days, then maybe my bad day has served a noble purpose after all.