Technocrasher.

I am plagued by random computer problems.  I always have been.  I never fool around with computer hardware or download anything that tinkers with a system’s vital software, but every few years whatever computer I’m using suddenly develops a problem no one can explain and I have to buy a new one.  I had such a scare with my precious laptop late last night.

The laptop had spent much of the day in Sleep mode, as I always set my computers when I’m not using them.  I flip open the laptop and boot it up, only to be greeted by a blue screen.  Normally I find blue to be a relaxing, pleasant color.  Leave it to computers to turn that beloved color into something so anxiety-triggering.  As computer blue screens go, this one was pretty mild.  It was just a message that my computer ran into an unexpected problem and needed to restart.  What followed below it was a more detailed message that outlined the problem, stating that if I wanted to do more research on what caused the crash I should look into the following:

thisisjustgoingtofreakyououtmore_don’tbotherlookingitup_youwon’tunderstandit (you’rean.idiot)

It didn’t actually say that, but it may as well have.  I am tech illiterate and this stuff is a foreign language to me.  A scary language that only devils and monsters speak.

After seeking advice from more tech-savvy people (a.k.a. screaming for help on the internet) it was determined that this was, in fact, a pretty mild hiccup and nothing to be concerned about.  While the scare had passed it had lingering effects.  I kid you not, I had dreams of computers acting weird and technology breaking that night.  I hold my breath now whenever I power up my laptop, fearing I’m going to see the blue screen again, but only with a different message that will be equally alien and scary to me.

On the bright side, if the robot apocalypse ever happens I’ll be humanity’s secret weapon.  Just throw me at the robots and they’ll all develop weird hardware problems.  The robot uprising will be quelled thanks to my terrible luck with technology.